Why We Define Love, When We Don’t Know Shit About It?
Will it be the hardest one to write but also the fastest one as well? Day 21 of the #30DaysWritingChallenge
Only nine days to go to complete the challenge no one asked for in the first place. At least this restores my long absence in this medium, which again, you won’t probably give a single fuck. I write because I have to immerse myself again in this tippity-typing action before these hands will be abused hard for the thesis.
Where are we? Oh, yes, we are talking about love. The first question I want to ask before we are going down the rabbit hole, asking ourselves so many questions at the end of this entry.
No I am just kidding. For now. The song could be your remedy in the end so keep it in mind, alright?
You first sit and read the manual book. In this case, the manual is yourself. So you have to properly love yourself first before you can sympathise or learn to love other person.
Hmm, love, one word that somehow is infatuating yet addicting. Who doesn’t want to be loved? The fact that it teaches us how to endure happiness, sadness, loneliness, togetherness, all at once, define by phases that somehow will present in our lives at some point. Scary isn’t it?
The idea of being in love is sometimes can be as cruel as “too good to be true”. You know, like as if you already found someone you can love and ready for the next phase. Yet most of it are daydreams or scenarios we constantly are thinking of.
Or some are unable to find love, that us humans even need some kind of “love expert” to help us to be able to find love. At least to be able to feel the kind of emotions you used to see on the movies or on the telly. That sometimes can be exhilarating, yet too unrealistic at times.
Strange, isn’t it? How arrogant we are, talking about love, yet, some of us are still unable to love ourselves?
Even I am still struggling with it. I don’t know, I am learning to love myself. At least, I acknowledge the pain I still have left in me. Especially last year, where every thing is forced to be blurred, blended, yet somehow still finds a way to be swallowed by me, by my naïvety.
Maybe because I didn’t do the steps correctly to be able to open up to someone after maybe…five years of being single? But, a year later you were crushed by pieces right after you woke up, reading the text that the girl you used to see back then just was engaged. Was I that reckless or that stupid?
And it took me almost a year to gather up and be ready to open up about anything to this person I am seeing right now. Though we are not officially dating or anything yet.
This particular person I described back in Day 17 basically just showed me the moment we met, that we are as clueless as fuck about loving the other half, even if we somehow have learned about it from the respective person we used to see before. Probably by the conversation we had that somehow didn’t flow that smoothly. I thought it was smooth but just didn’t go as planned.
Yet I gave myself a chance to know her better. But how? Did I directly text her after our first meet? No. There was a gap between the first time we meet and our first text conversation.
Imagine you want to maintain something. What would you do? Do you just straight up utilise what you have without the basic knowledge?
No. You first sit and read the manual book. In this case, the manual is yourself. So you have to properly love yourself first before you can sympathise or learn to love other person. You need to understand the mechanisms of love and even the characteristics of the person you are seeing. That way, maybe the love you give can be reciprocated back, just like how you want to be loved.
Even I couldn’t guarantee myself that would be a success or anything, but at least I have faith in it (and hopefully she does, too). I am trying to make it work, even if I still don’t know shit about how those four-letter words function.
-SR
