Stubbornly Unafraid to be Alone
Day six of the challenge. The title is inspired by this video from The Ringer’s J. Kyle Mann
(Why am I so excited about this topic, where everybody seems to avoid this particular conversation?) Well, well, well…where do I begin?
(Disclaimer: The concept of an exclusive relationship means, you are already in a state of dating or “pacaran” in Indonesian, before we are getting into this writing further. OK?)
There’s nothing more exciting than being alone in your twenties. No, it’s not about a happy life of a single person or anything that avoids an exclusive relationship, whilst you’re still exploring yourself.
Or this could be actually a reflection of some of the lessons I have been getting for the past years. I don’t know. This topic is basically quite sensitive for some, because not everybody will agree of finding happiness outside the relationship bubble.
But is it actually exhilarating to not being in an exclusive relationship?
Yes and no. Well the latter may have to do with the age, but we will talk about both answers thoroughly.
For one, the last time I had an exclusive relationship was back when I was graduated from the high school about 8 years ago. That seems a long time to think about the absence of not having a girlfriend. But not really. I am glad of the fact that my ex is now married to her now-husband and lives a happy life. At least that’s the silver lining.
What’s dreadful of being single for some is actually the peer-pressure from the society to follow certain things at a certain age.
At first, I was unsure, whether staying single will benefit me from being left out of the loop, especially whilst getting into the college. Some say it’s better to not have a relationship until you are in your second year of a university. More options they said.
But I stuck with a clear goal of embracing being single, or at least to have a good relationship with everybody without even thinking of stepping it up further. Not because I am afraid of disappointing my significant other, but more like having to divide my time and commitment for two or more things that require a meticulous maintenance to keep it going.
Even for a casual non-committed relationship. Yes, that one, when I had a breakdown after hearing ‘the news’ from the one that “ghosted” and ran away from the scene. OK, we are not going to talk about that just yet.
What’s dreadful of being single for some is actually the peer-pressure from the society to follow certain things at a certain age. Yes, we are talking about the “suitable” age of being married, which sometimes interrupt your solace in being single.
But then again, I always stick to my principle of seeing different timelines for different person. It is not going to be the same, even if you are in the relationship. Some requires each other to be slower or faster, depending on the pace they are having.
Whilst being single means you set your own pace, just like running, it’s quite hard because sometimes you do need some pacemakers to keep you going and that could help as well. (What kind of nonsense am I writing right now?)
What’s great is that you learn to embrace in the loneliness itself for being single. You may have days, where you wish to be with somebody and getting the extra love you crave. There are some days where being single means you can actually explore postponed agendas or hobbies. Or at best, you travel the world. Either way, it’s okay if we don’t have constant happy days from being single. It’s natural anyway.
I just have to do what I should do at the moment. I don’t want to take a relationship that I build with somebody right now for granted. You can say it’s a slow burn. It’s exhilarating and fulfilling at the same time to be alone but not lonely, at least.
I’ll stop writing some nonsense and start to write properly for the next entries.
-SR
